Oh, Yeah? Well, I Did So Go to My Prom!

Remember when you were a kid and you got insulted or offended, and you reeeeeally wanted to exact revenge?

So you would come up with a witty zinger designed to bring that person to his or her knees — something like “Oh, yeah? Well, you’re ugly.” Or “Oh, yeah? Well, you’re stupid.” Or if you weren’t feeling especially creative, maybe just “Oh, yeah? Well …”

The problem was that, even if the person really was ugly or stupid, your snappy comeback failed to bring on the trauma that you had hoped for — the psychological damage that would follow that person throughout life, causing a massive inferiority complex that would require years of therapy and would never quite go away.

And if the person wasn’t ugly or stupid, well, you’re the one who ended up looking like a jerk, when that person and his or her gaggle of friends just laughed and walked away together while you stood there alone with your fists clenched and your face all squinched up.

That’s how I felt when I read the “insult” that was directed toward me on a right-wing website — not like the guy with his face all squinched up, but like the guy walking away laughing with his gaggle of friends.

I doubt that the commenter even intended for me to see the “insult” — after all, I rarely hang out at freerepublic.com, “the premier online gathering place for independent, grass-roots conservatism on the web.” But I do find out when my name is mentioned online, and of course I have to check it out.

What I discovered was that someone had reposted a post I had written for Examiner.com about a lesbian high schooler who had been told that she couldn’t take her girlfriend or wear a tuxedo to the prom. While there were various comments about the state of lesbians and proms and public schools and the proper attire for women, there was one commenter who took his/her best shot at me (comment #10, if you go to the site): “I’m guessing that Matt Kailey was either turned down repeatedly or never had the nerve to ask a girl to go to prom. I’m also guessing that the back seat of his car was used to carry his Dungeons and Dragons books.”

And that’s when I felt like laughing and walking away with my gaggle of friends. It’s obvious that the commenter didn’t go to the Examiner site to see just exactly who I am. Of course, I did go to my prom (as evidenced by the photo above). And while I guess the first Dungeons and Dragons game came out in the mid-’70s (I was already out of high school by then), I think the first time I heard about it was about 10 years ago.

I was going to respond and let the commenter know that I did, in fact, go to my high school prom. I was even going to post my prom photo to prove it. But you have to register to post comments on that site, and you have to agree to embrace the goals of the site, which are “to further conservatism, expose political corruption, and recover a truly constitutional form of government.”

The second two I agree with, but by my own definitions, which I doubt very much mesh with theirs. The first one is a deal-breaker. So now I just have to make do with the fact that I pissed off the right wing — enough to garner over 50 comments on the site.

I have been waiting for years for Fred Phelps to picket one of my speeches. It never happens. Now I can at least pretend that the right wing actually sees me as a threat. And that will have to do.

Just as long as they don’t think I’m ugly or stupid. Now that could really hurt!